Interview with Naina, a matchmaker & psychologist (Part 2)

Here is my interview for Ukrainian Dating Blog by Krystyna Trushyna. Krystyna is a Russian and Ukrainian dating blogger and Youtube video coach. Original link on interview is here. 

Today, we continue to talk with Naina, a leading matchmaker, dating coach of RealdateStudio, psychologist-counselor of interpersonal communication and virtual interaction, and a member of the Ukrainian Union of Psychotherapists. It is the second part of the interview.

You can read the first part here. In the first part, Naina tells how she started your business as a Ukrainian-Western matchmaker, why psychology plays such an important role in matchmaking and if Western men have a real chance to find a Ukrainian or Russian wife through online dating sites.

In the second part, Naina will share her experience with online dating scam, give her ideas about the future of the Ukrainian dating and marriage industry as well as give some dating tips. Enjoy!   

Krystyna: Let’s talk about romance scam. As you know, it is a big issue to discuss. There are so many tips and advice out there but nothing helps. The statistics issued by the National Fraud Intelligence Bureau (NFIB) show a 33% increase in online dating fraud cases in compared to the previous years.

 Romance fraudsters often take place through Russian and Ukrainian online dating websites, but scammers may also use marriage and matchmaking agencies to make contact with potential victims.

Do you have any special anti-scam policy in your agency? Do you have any scam stories to share?

Naina: Oh, yes! Krystyna, we both know that who wants to be deceived, will be deceived anyway) and doesn’t matter at all will it be an online dating site, a marriage agency or a matchmaking agency. Everywhere you can meet scam, everybody can be a scammer, nobody can guarantee you anti-scam policy – as “everybody can lie” (I modified a little bit a quote of M.D. Gregory House, hope his fans will not throw tomatoes in me). You’re looking at the traffic light, crossing the road, aren’t you? You don’t walk at night in forest, do you? You don’t go into the office naked, right?

§     Because you know some social rules or safety rules.

§     Because you care about your safety and your social image.

So why then we don’t care about our emotional safety? Why we don’t know some easy safety rules in communication and trust scammer? Because we want to trust, we want to be heard, to be understood, to be needed and that is our weakness and weapon same time. We need to trust, but know to whom trust. Critical and independent thinking and excessive suspiciousness is not the same. We both know, Krystyna, main steps to recognize scammer and how to escape scamming. But they are useless if person don’t have some skills of critical thinking and then all those advises will just enlarge excessive suspiciousness. Sad, but true!

Main part of my anti-scam policy is real interaction with all my clients, personal interviews and checking documents of each client, additional questions if I have any doubts in honesty of the client. Both men and women have to fill same profile with photos and scans of documents, I check all the clients in scam-lists and black-lists. We don’t sell contact information of clients, so privacy of both men and women is protected until meeting in person. I don’t have tolerance to scammers, web-models, and any other fraud that uses fictive identity, expects expensive gifts etc and easy for me check all the details on a personal interview.

Yes, one story happened to me at the beginning of my way when I was hoping to find my charming western prince  That was a typical funny scenario, used by African men usually, when you are getting template letters step by step with words of love from the second one. And after all you are getting the gift which you have to pick up, just only paying for delivery. As I am too pedant I always ask too many questions and when I am not getting answers on them I just quite communication. Another story happened to one of my male clients who came to Poltava on a date with one lady from another agency to meet her in person after several months of correspondence and video-chats. She gave him a wrong address and stopped answering emails and switched off her cell-phone as soon as he wrote he landed and going to Poltava to see her! He got her contacts through the online dating site, bought of course. He saw her online on a video, sent her some gifts through the site. He didn’t expect that the information he bought could be wrong or the lady can be a scammer, she insured him that she would wait him and be in the city. He was pretty disappointed and lost a hope to meet a nice lady. Good that he found a lady interested in his person from our agency and invited her on a date. That is why I recommend my clients don’t spend time online but meet and try destiny in a real life as nobody can guarantee that your “virtual love” will transform in a real relationship, but a REAL meeting can give you REAL communication and experience.

Krystyna: Ukraine’s online romance and marriage industry is booming – despite the bad image and scam reviews. Western men hope to find a wife with an attractive appearance and traditional family values. A kind of dream woman… However, I have noticed that modern Ukrainian women differ from the “mail order” brides looking for foreign husbands in the 1990s. In my opinion, modern women of Ukraine are more confident, educated, smart and know exactly what they expect and want to achieve in their life. Women have a choice to build their own life as they wish. Women also have high demands on men with whom they want to build a happy and lasting relationship.

In your opinion, what is the future of Ukrainian dating in 5-10 years? Are there any challenges and transformations to expect?

Naina: Krystyna, I am sure that we are making our own future! I mean that Ukrainian marriage agencies and matchmaking services do it, of course. It all depends on how soon most of Ukrainian “businessmen” will understand that they are forcing Ukrainian dating to a huge hole! First of all, there are a lot of ignorant people who work in this field, who think that this business is a lottery, they spoil trust of potential clients and make an awful image of Ukrainian women! I mean the agencies dealing with web-models or just making fake profiles. I hope we will not wait for 5-10 years to change this situation. I hope that in the nearest years the marriage business in Ukraine will finally get legal regulatory framework and most of agencies will provide a matchmaking service, hiring psychologists instead of self-made “dating gurus” or just-made “short-ripe matchmakers”. Each profession must be regulated by law. If there is no regulation, there is no personal responsibility! I also hope that in some years Ukraine will have an own matchmaking association helping talented matchmakers to manage their business and helping each other to satisfy needs of clients in the best way.

We do not need to orient on West! We don’t need to depend on western dating or matchmaking associations, unions or educational establishments who teach how to be matchmakers or dating coaches in three months! We do not need to copy western style of dating and matchmaking business. We are living in Ukraine. We know this country and our women are much better than any western dating organization. So I hope that in future, a real matchmaking and communication will survive and online dating with its fake communication (in most cases) will drown!

Yes, Krystyna, times changes and needs of our women too! They don’t want any more to wait for a prince and are not ready to satisfy all needs of foreign men and depend on their husbands. Ukrainian women are more independent and confident right now, they are more demanding. They have their own aims and interests. I see only a positive side of these changes) Women should evaluate their own skills and be an interesting person. If I say “independent”, I mean mind-independent. It doesn’t matter how close Ukrainian women are to emancipation as this process started since 2000, but it is slow.  The only thing which matters is that Ukrainian women are always REAL! They are always sincere, honest in their wishes, needs, and feelings. Ukrainian women are emotional, feminine and sensitive because they had no history and experience of emancipation in past. Ukrainian women cherish and value their men now and will do it in 5-10 years for sure!

Krystyna: Which Ukrainian online dating tips do you have for Western men looking actively for a wife from Ukraine? Any anti-scam tips to share?

Naina: I have a lot of tips for those who listen to, Krystyna! I will be glad to share some of main dating tips with your readers. Not so long time ago I posted an article “7 dating tips or what should you remember before meeting Ukrainian lady”, in which I named main problems which can face foreigners dating Ukrainian ladies (Krystyna’s note: you can read Naina’s article on Ukranian dating tips here).

Here they are:

• age gap,
• “lost in translation problem”,
• cultural differences.

My main tips how to avoid them and avoid scam are following:

• ask more, listen more, then ask over again;
• learn cultural aspects before your trip to Ukraine (all cultures are different and must be respected especially if you are connecting your life with a lady from a different culture!);
• use qualified translation service or learn language but don’t use GoogleTranslate (it will translate but will never understand meaning of your message!);
• listen and use advices of qualified dating experts, matchmakers, and psychologists – nobody teaches us how to build a long-lasting relationship at school so don’t be shy to ask (but check the qualifications of the specialist you are dealing with carefully);
• look reviews and testimonials about services you use (but not trust to all you see blindly!), trust your intuition and use your common sense;
• be yourself – main rule in any relationship;
• be critical but not suspicious – you can scare woman with your doubts and then you will not have to use previous tips.

More tips are published in in my Blog on realdatestudio.com and in our groups in Google+ and Facebook.

Krystyna: Naina, anything helpful else you’d like to share with our readers?

Naina: I have a lot of ideas to share. Maybe that is subject for next article. Thank you, Krystyna, for this opportunity to share my thoughts, ideas and hopes with you and your readers.

I would like to add that we can change our destiny only by making efforts and by understanding our real intentions and needs. I wish all your readers to find their destiny and be happy!

As the only happiness in life is long-lasting relationships with people we love. If you will not find love, love will find you! So, don’t worry and be happy.