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Friday, 24 February 2017 01:03

6 key criteria which influence on your success in Ukrainian dating

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All we are interested in how to become a successful person in the professional, social and of course in the private sphere. The world of online dating (online dating sites, matchmaking, coaches, dating agencies, etc.) indirectly helps us in our search of couple, but the main contribution into our relationship, we must and can do just by ourselves.

Are you still single? Didn’t you think, why are you still single in the presence of such a huge number of specialized on the online dating resources, information about marriage agencies, matchmakers, dating clubs? Is it all because of you, because you still stand on the threshold of choice. The range of services in dating and the number of potential candidates in spite of the scale and perspective, does not give the desired result and the more you are involved in this game called "eternal search", the less chances on success you have. Unfortunately, there are no reliable criteria for assessing the usefulness and effectiveness of online dating sites in Ukraine and abroad, because all sorts of rankings and lists of popularity, putting in tops and in the mass media is only advertising in order to attract more consumers to their resources. The only factor to test the effectiveness of any dating resource, marriage or matchmaking agency is personal contact with this resource, it’s owners and own confirmation of its reputation during the communication, personal experience of using the site or agency services, recommendations from people you know personally that have been used their services and have a positive experience of cooperation.

Dating Machine gives you range and variety but does not help you make a right choice once and forever to stop search on a single partner, but on the contrary encourage you for endless quest. This is the main goal of all offline and online dating resources, and you have to understand this clearly. Therefore, I consider any sites and portals of online dating could be used as additional help to find a partner, but a key of your success in dating is in your hands.

So, how to succeed in Ukrainian dating? What are the key criteria for success in online dating? In my experience of matchmaking and dating coaching as psychologist, I made some conclusions about successful search criteria and failures in search. So here they are. The main reason for the failure to find your match is always in non-realistic criteria of search. It means that problem is in the lack of understanding of themselves, own desires, needs, potential and their harmonious correlation. In the ideal case, it is advisable initially to work with a professional psychologist and possibly with a psychotherapist, and only then proceed to the conscious search for a partner online or in real life.

So what are they, the criteria for success in dating? Or rather it would be to ask what prevents us to implement our choice once and forever. We all know the saying "It is not the gay coat that makes the gentleman” or “Meet by clothes, see of by mind”. In our case, it could be stated as, "Meet by inharmonious beliefs, see off due to unrealistic expectations" as we always appreciate others correlative to our own system of values, attitudes and beliefs, and always hard to part with them, thereby breaking up with people, values of which does not coincide with ours.

So here are 6 criteria which influence on our success in Dating:

1. First of all, you should have realistic view / beliefs about yourself and others.

2. Harmonic self-esteem is what you need for successful search.

3. Appropriate expectations about yourself and your partner and therefore loyalty to possible imperfections in partner.

4. Goal setting in search, your goal is not endless quest, and the exercise of choice, making decisions are main; a detailed description of your dating goals will greatly simplify your search, narrow the range of choice of the target group and will help you to find potential candidates in the network and determine compatibility faster.

5. One of the most important criterions, in my opinion, the emphasis in the search for a partner is in the offline communication and in testing the strength of relationships in real life.

6. The last criterion, be yourself in communication, openness and honesty must be in priority, and lead to successful dating.

Ask yourself a series of these three groups of questions and give honest answers to them, maybe you will be a little closer to a success in your dating search:

1. Who am I? What a person am I? What can I / cannot do? What I want / I do not want to have for myself, for others? What do I need / do not need to be happy? Do I love myself and accept for who I am?

2. What is the value to me in my life? How do I evaluate my success / failure? What I appreciate the other (thoughts, words, actions, emotions and what)? What I have valuable than I can share with others?

3. What attitude I deserve from others (How wish I to be treated)? What kind of attitude / attention do I like/dislike from others? What I am willing / not willing to tolerate in a relationship? What can I / would like to change in relations to my surrounding and how would I do that?

As for the help of dating sites, marriage agencies, matchmakers, etc., this assistance can be relevant only in the case of realism of your search criteria and a good understanding of you. As they say, if you want something to be well done do it yourself! First of all, help yourself and only then accept help of Dating Machine if you really need it! Be successful in Real Relationships, not in Dating!

Here you can also find some tips from this article given to Krystyna's Dating Blog - http://ukrainiandatingblog.com/2017/02/how-to-succeed-in-the-ukrainian-dating-world-expert-tips/

Naina Yusupova, leading matchmaker and dating coach of matchmaking agency, marriage studio Realdatestudio.com, psychologist-counselor of interpersonal relationships and virtual communication, member of Ukrainian Union of Psychotherapists. 

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